


all is lost when one is known

by airham



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, Post-Break Up, Self-Reflection, Who Knows?, sad kiyoomi, who actually knows what loves is?, why do we love?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:35:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28593360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/airham/pseuds/airham
Summary: Kiyoomi is watching a movie and reflecting is all.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	all is lost when one is known

\---

Anyone would have to be a  **_complete and total idiot_ ** not to know what it means to love someone. In this particular case,  Sakusa is the complete and total idiot. 

What is love? A simple question. Hmph, a child could answer. Someone without a brain could answer it.  **_So why can’t Kiyoomi?_ **

“ _ Haven’t I wasted enough time on this stupid subject? It’s not like having a romantic epiphany will change anything _ ,” he thought to himself, scowling with a clenched jaw -- as if it were something as easy as breathing. Sakusa allowed himself one last second to think about the l-word, deciding instead, that he deserved a much-needed distraction. After all, he did just recently end whatever possible budding relationship he had with a certain orange-haired decoy. If he was being honest, not like he usually wasn’t, spaces felt lonelier -- hollow even -- without Hinata’s presence to take up all the space. 

It wasn’t like his living room had been very big before he decided to push the boundaries of a relationship, but his sofa felt even smaller while sitting on it alone. Tonight was just another Tuesday night.  **_Except it wasn’t since he and Hinata would usually have their movie nights on Tuesdays._ ** This particular Tuesday though, was the first time in around three weeks, that Kiyoomi realized how cold couches could be when they weren’t being shared by pleasant  **_and wanted_ ** company. 

Huffing out a quick, hot breath, Sakusa moved to turn on his tv, which automatically recommended Netflix -- since it was where they watched movies.  _ “Streaming services are quite a technological feat.” _ Curling up into a blanket, he swiftly and mindlessly clicks on the first thing in his “continue watching” section. Sakusa’s eyes barely flit over the words “Flavours of Youth” before snuggling further into his cushions, searching hopelessly for some much-desired warmth -- that he might never find himself embraced in again. 

_ “Why was it such a big deal anyway? So what if I couldn’t commit to a label? I’m not afraid of them or anything,”  _ he thinks in a snippy tone to himself,  _ “I’ve been in a few relationships already. What makes Shoyou so different?” _ That thought is the last to run across his mind before his eyes zone in on the subtitle before him,  _ “the movie may be in Japanese but that doesn’t mean I can’t use subtitles,” _ he fondly remembers saying to Shoyou the first time they started a movie. The line reads “Have you ever thought about the future,” before being followed by the lid of a box being removed. 

_ “I think about the future constantly. Before this stupid “break up” or whatever it was, his thoughts were filled with orange flashes, loud cries, and volleyball. Sakusa’s first and ultimate love has and will always be volleyball. There is nothing else in the world that meant more to him. So why on early did his chest feel so heavy and the space beside him feel so empty? Why can’t Kiyoomi get him out of his head,”  _ he thought for the umpteenth time for the night before continuing to allow himself to get lost in his thoughts,  _ “That’s it. That is the final thought I will allow of Hinata Shoyou for the night. I’m going to finish this stupid movie we started together and then I’ll be done with him forever.” _

When the short finished, entitled “Love in Shanghai,” Sakusa knew why he felt so alone -- he knew why he craved every fiber of Hinata. Sakusa Kiyoomi was absolutely, without a doubt, in love with Hinata Shoyou. That cursed short that being unknown to another person, that being unable to share yourself with someone else entirely, was tremendously worse than being known, being seen, being acknowledged --  **_being loved_ ** . 

  
_ “Feelings don’t just die because you bury them and eventually, no matter how difficult, they will always find a way to the surface,” _ Sakusa reminded himself pitifully -- tears threatening to build. His eyes stung. And so here he is, alone on what should be his normal movie night with his beloved.  **_All because he was so afraid of Hinata’s love and his own love for Hinata._ **

\---

**Author's Note:**

> I made this a threadfic on my twt (@aire_ol) but it might be better all together. it's simple omihina angst and it's the first thing I've written for them. it's one of my favorite ships and I would really like feedback on your thoughts on my sakusa. anyway, I hope people enjoy it as much as I do because it's actually quite self-indulgent and has helped me feel a little better about trying to write more. thanks for reading this far if you do. many warm wishes.


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